I don�t know what I�m doing now.
I faced the stress..
I feel the loneliness..
I try so hard, just to get acknowledgement.
In the end, what will I get? It is still an unknown answer.
Pray for the better, I will. This is all I can do right now.
Sometimes, I just don�t know why am I living in this world.
Really.
I work, I go home, I go out with friends, I sleep, I eat.
This routine seems to be repeating more frequent den before.
It�s not that I�m not contented with current life.
It�s just that I will get bored. I will get sick of it.
Maybe people will say, do something to change it then.
But guess what, I even can�t bother to do anything to change my lifestyle.
I�m lazy for sports, lazy for coffee with friends, lazy to even login in to msn at night.
Basically I don�t have energy for anything.
Guess this is bad.
I know it myself.
Yet I can�t motivate myself to change.
God knows what I want.
Stress I�m facing basically comes from my parents.
Why?
I realized they are no longer the young parents I used to see.
They aged.
They really did.
I started to get worry over their welfare in their old ages.
I think a lot about how to improve their livings, my living.
Yet I only earn a penny.
I can�t even survive myself. How could I take care of them when they can�t work anymore?
Come to think of it, I�m really useless.
At the age of mine, I don�t even have savings in my bank. I can�t even give my parents anything. The other way round, they�re giving me instead.
They get worry over I didn�t take my dinner, didn�t sleep early at night which causes me to be restless in the morning. Worry over what kind of friends I mix with, over my health.
I want to give them good life. I really want to.
I started to plan a lot.
I want them to be able to enjoy their old ages.
I don�t want to see them still working when they reach 60.
I want them to be able to retire early.
But what can I do.
For my peanut pay, I can�t pay all the bills at home. For that is definitely not enough.
I can�t even feed myself.
I guess my parents are unlucky to have me as their daughter. Useless enough.
Just pray for better life. I wish.
5 comments:
You cannot imagine how much I empathize with your words. Not all of them have relevance for me, but, still I feel your emotions.
You remember a few months ago when you were excited to get this job? Do you remember a few weeks later when you blogged how tight money was? Is the money as tight as it was back then? I think it is probably a little easier now.
You feel lonely, you wonder if life is all about working, going out with friends, sleeping and eating. Do you remember your birthday a few weeks back? What a great and wonderful celebration you had? (Some of us were jealous we didn't get invited ;-)
Do you remember the airbrush work you did on your brother's motorcycle helmet? You have talent. I confess that I always hope to see some more of your work on your blog.
Life is not perfect for any of us, but I think you have a lot of positive things in your life that you are not seeing now. I know it is hard to see the positive things when your soul is feeling so low.
You have things I envy: you are young and single. You can make big changes in your life more easily than I can.
One of the tricks to making changes is to actually do it. When I moved from Montreal to Toronto, I was looking forward to a big adventure. Unfortunately, I found my experience less than successful. The next move out to the country (a place called Williamstown), I corrected some of the problems I made while in Toronto � but again, this was not the life I wanted. Finally, I moved to Ottawa and began university. I broke contact with most of my past and decided to do new things in a new city. Eventually, I think I was pretty successful in Ottawa � once I threw away even more rules in my life. I met lots of wonderful people from all over the world.
Now, at 40, I want to change myself again, but I don�t know how. Getting out of my comfort zone is hard because it is not just me I have to worry about.
I have encouraged you before, I think you are capable of a lot more than you give yourself credit. You need a plan (ha ha, so do I) � besides, remember it is always easier to give advice than to follow it (so, I am doing the easy job :-)
Everything I have ever read on changing your life and accomplishing things says something like this:
(1) write your goals, objectives and dreams down (be specific, don't say "I want to be rich", say instead "I want $10,000" in my savings account)
(2) assign deadlines to them
(3) identify any obstacles � write the obstacles down
(4) write down solutions to the obstacles
(5) dedicate at least 15 minutes a day on your objectives.
(6) eliminate watching TV
Have I done this in my life? No. Maybe that is why I am still where I am.
I trust you, I think you are able to accomplish a lot, you just need some support and encouragement. Go! Jo! Go!
I will pray for you.
u're just going through a phase of knowing urself better.
keep the faith and stay strong.
by the way, i'll send you the song u wanted on my blog. it's eurobeat genre. sometimes it's good to hear such minor key fast beat songs to perk yourself up.
Thanks guys..sometimes its juz wonderful to get some comfort..
=)
appreciated..
cheer up abit lar .
You know, I'm willing to bet you also changed your hair colour / style or are very close to doing so.
Your caption photo is a bit morbid, no?
I like this layout, it is easy to read.
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