Teacher: History is a very interesting subject. It tells you about what had happened in the past.
Student: Please teacher, I don't think I want to study history.
Teacher: Why?
Student: There is no future in it
----------------------------------------------------
Teacher: Ted, if your father has $10 and you ask him for $6, how much would your father still have?
Ted: $10.Teacher: You don't know maths.
Ted: You don't know my father!
----------------------------------------------------
Mother: David, come here.
David: Yes, mum?
Mother: You really disappoint me. Your results are getting worse.
David: But I will only get my report book tomorrow.
Mother: I know that. But I am going to Hong Kong tomorrow, so I am scolding you now
----------------------------------------------------
Father: Why did you fail your mathematics test?
Son: On Monday, teacher said 3+5=8
Father : So?
Son: On Tuesday, she said 4+4=8 And on Wednesday, she said 6+2=8.
If she can't make up her mind, how do I know the right answer?
----------------------------------------------------
A mother and son were doing dishes while the father and daughter were watching TV in the living room. Suddenly, there was a loud crash of breaking plates, then complete silence.
The daughter turned to look at her father.
Daughter: It's mummy!
Father: How do you know?
Daughter: She didn't say anything
----------------------------------------------------
Girl: Do you love me?
Boy: Yes Dear
Girl: Would you die for me?
Boy: No, mine is undying love
----------------------------------------------------
Man: How old is your father?
Boy: As old as me
Man: How can that be?
Boy: He became a father only when I was born
----------------------------------------------------
Waiter: I've stewed liver, boiled tongue and frog's leg.
Customer: Don't tell me your problems.
Give me the menu card.
----------------------------------------------------
Teacher: Simon, your composition on "My Dog" is exactly the same as your brother's.
Did u copy his?
Simon: No, teacher, it's the same dog!
----------------------------------------------------
Father: Your teacher says she finds it impossible to teach you anything!
Son: That's why I say she's no good!
----------------------------------------------------
Teacher: "Where were u born?"
S tudent: "Singapore , Sir."
Teacher: "Which part?"
Student: "All of me, Sir."
----------------------------------------------------
A teacher was asking her class: "What is the difference between 'unlawful' and 'illegal'?"
Only one hand shot up. "Ok, answer, Joan" said the teacher."
'unlawful' is when u do something the law doesn't allow and 'illegal' is a sick eagle."
----------------------------------------------------
Teacher: "How come you do not comb your hair?"
Ah Kow: "No comb, Sir."
Teacher: "Use your dad's then."
Ah Kow: "No hair, Sir."
----------------------------------------------------
A boy came home from school with his exam results.
"What did u get?" asked his father.
"My marks are under water," said the boy.
"What do u mean 'under water'?"
They are all below 'C' level
Saturday, July 29, 2006
Wednesday, July 26, 2006
Just for Laugh
There once was a Red Indian whose given name was "Onestone".
So named because he had only one testicle. He hated that name and asked everyone not to call him Onestone.
After years and years of torment, Onestone finally cracked and said, "If anyone calls me Onestone again I will kill them!"
The word got around and nobody called him that any more.
Then one day a young woman named Blue Bird forgot and said, "Good morning, Onestone."
He jumped up, grabbed her and took her deep intothe forest where he made love to her all day and all night.
He made love to her all the next day, until Blue Bird died from exhaustion.
The word got around that Onestone meant what he promised he would do.
Years went by and no one dared call him by his given name until a woman named Yellow Bird returned to the village after being away for many years.
Yellow Bird, who was Blue Bird's cousin, was overjoyed when she saw Onestone.
She hugged him and said, "Good to see you, Onestone."
Onestone grabbed her, took her deep into the forest, then he made love to her all day, made love to her all night, made love to her all the next day, made love to her all the next night,
but Yellow Bird wouldn't die!
And what is the moral of this story?????
............................ OH, come on...
take a guess!
Think about it.
You're going to love this! :-)
And the moral is...................
You can't kill two birds with one stone!!!
So named because he had only one testicle. He hated that name and asked everyone not to call him Onestone.
After years and years of torment, Onestone finally cracked and said, "If anyone calls me Onestone again I will kill them!"
The word got around and nobody called him that any more.
Then one day a young woman named Blue Bird forgot and said, "Good morning, Onestone."
He jumped up, grabbed her and took her deep intothe forest where he made love to her all day and all night.
He made love to her all the next day, until Blue Bird died from exhaustion.
The word got around that Onestone meant what he promised he would do.
Years went by and no one dared call him by his given name until a woman named Yellow Bird returned to the village after being away for many years.
Yellow Bird, who was Blue Bird's cousin, was overjoyed when she saw Onestone.
She hugged him and said, "Good to see you, Onestone."
Onestone grabbed her, took her deep into the forest, then he made love to her all day, made love to her all night, made love to her all the next day, made love to her all the next night,
but Yellow Bird wouldn't die!
And what is the moral of this story?????
............................ OH, come on...
take a guess!
Think about it.
You're going to love this! :-)
And the moral is...................
You can't kill two birds with one stone!!!
Monday, July 24, 2006
My buddy Lek...
How nice to have a buddy like her..
Her smile never fail to make me smile..
Her laughter never fail to make me laugh..
Her wisdom never fail to make me think and ponder..
Her advise is alway deeply consider by my brain..
Her straightforward, I never fail to admire.. speaking things I don't dare to..
Love you, Buddy Lek....
Wednesday, July 19, 2006
How A HR Will Write A Love Letter
To,
Juliet
Sub: Offer of love!
Ref: Meeting in coffee shop
Dearest Ms Juliet,
I am pleased to inform you that I have fallen in Love with you since the 14th of October (Saturday). With reference to the meeting held between us on the 13th of Oct. at 1500 hrs, would like to present myself as a prospective lover.
Our love affair would be on probation for a period of three months and depending on compatibility, would be made permanent. Of course, upon completion of probation, there will be continuous on the job training and performance appraisal schemes leading up to promotion from lover to spouse.
The expenses incurred for coffee and entertainment would initially be shared equally between us. Later, based on your performance, I might take up a larger share of the expenses.
However I am broad minded enough to be taken care of, on your expense account.
I request you to kindly respond within 3 days of receiving this letter, failing which, this offer would be cancelled without further notice and I shall be considering someone else.
I would be happy, if you could forward this letter to your sister, if you do not wish to take up this offer.
Wish you all the best!
Thanking you in anticipation,
Yours sincerely,
HR Manager
------------------
source: email
Juliet
Sub: Offer of love!
Ref: Meeting in coffee shop
Dearest Ms Juliet,
I am pleased to inform you that I have fallen in Love with you since the 14th of October (Saturday). With reference to the meeting held between us on the 13th of Oct. at 1500 hrs, would like to present myself as a prospective lover.
Our love affair would be on probation for a period of three months and depending on compatibility, would be made permanent. Of course, upon completion of probation, there will be continuous on the job training and performance appraisal schemes leading up to promotion from lover to spouse.
The expenses incurred for coffee and entertainment would initially be shared equally between us. Later, based on your performance, I might take up a larger share of the expenses.
However I am broad minded enough to be taken care of, on your expense account.
I request you to kindly respond within 3 days of receiving this letter, failing which, this offer would be cancelled without further notice and I shall be considering someone else.
I would be happy, if you could forward this letter to your sister, if you do not wish to take up this offer.
Wish you all the best!
Thanking you in anticipation,
Yours sincerely,
HR Manager
------------------
source: email
Thursday, July 13, 2006
Current status
Rather busy these few days as one of my colleague "resigned"... and his job scope is being passed to me...
Busy handling my own job scope and maintaining his..
Tough time but its a chance for me to prove myself as well..
Believing I could manage well, I've to bear with the stress I'm facing..
Coping pretty well.. Gald I could do it..
Hoping nothing crop up of course..
As for my personal life, I'm happy to have a him by my side..
Love being with him..
He do relief my stress as he do know how to smile after a long day although I know he's facing alot of stress at work too..
Thank to him who make my life so complete...
Apolgising to my dearest huihui who she think I don't want her already..
Really busy recently plus I do want to accompany my precious him..
Forgive me ..
I still love you, hui..
To Cutest Old beng,
Wanted to reply you but was too busy in the afternoon..
hereby I answer you..
I'm too busy with work to update my blog..
So I decided to update my current status now.......
Hope to meet up with u guys again soon!!!
Take Care Guys~~
Busy handling my own job scope and maintaining his..
Tough time but its a chance for me to prove myself as well..
Believing I could manage well, I've to bear with the stress I'm facing..
Coping pretty well.. Gald I could do it..
Hoping nothing crop up of course..
As for my personal life, I'm happy to have a him by my side..
Love being with him..
He do relief my stress as he do know how to smile after a long day although I know he's facing alot of stress at work too..
Thank to him who make my life so complete...
Apolgising to my dearest huihui who she think I don't want her already..
Really busy recently plus I do want to accompany my precious him..
Forgive me ..
I still love you, hui..
To Cutest Old beng,
Wanted to reply you but was too busy in the afternoon..
hereby I answer you..
I'm too busy with work to update my blog..
So I decided to update my current status now.......
Hope to meet up with u guys again soon!!!
Take Care Guys~~
Monday, July 03, 2006
Restrictions on smoking affect eating outlets' World Cup business
CROWDS of drinking and smoking football fans packed into coffee shops beaming "live" matches are a common sight on weekends — more so now with the World Cup fever well under way.
But when the extension of the smoking ban kicked in last Saturday, some football fans gave up their seats rather than forsake their puffs.
A check conducted over the weekend by Today found that while the businesses of larger eateries were largely unaffected, those who ran smaller coffee shops reported dips of as much as 30 per cent in their business — as the number of smoking patrons sometimes outstripped the seats available to them, especially during peak periods and screenings of the World Cup matches.
Food court and coffeeshop owners said they had to turn away a handful of customers over the past two days. One coffeeshop owner — who wanted to be known as Mr Ng — could only designate one out of his stall's eight tables for smokers.
"Business was definitely affected.
On Saturday afternoon, three regular customers insisted on smoking but we didn't have enough seats for them. They were unhappy and offered to pay the fine if they were caught. But I told them that I would also get into trouble. In the end, they left without eating."
Mr Zuraimee Sarip, 34, a regular at the Koufu food court in Punggol and a smoker, said that customers who wanted to smoke were forced to stand while watching the England-Portugal match on Saturday night.
"People usually like to buy drinks and smoke while watching soccer," he said. "On Saturday night, I think more than 50 people were standing around and smoking, squeezing into the smoking corner, as there were not enough seats for them."
The food court has about 125 tables. Of the 45 that were outdoors, only nine have been designated for smokers. Its assistant manager, Mr Anthony Ang, expects an even tougher challenge in enforcing the ban as the World Cup action heats up in the semi-finals and finals.
"It's definitely a problem as the number of smokers increase during football matches. We have more customers who want to smoke than there are designated seats available. We have to pay more attention to the enforcement during such times," he said.
Under the extension of the smoking ban which kicked in on Saturday, smoking is prohibited in indoor eateries. Hawker centres without outdoor areas can convert 10 per cent of their indoor seating capacity into smoking corners. For those with outdoor seating areas, up to 20 per cent of the outdoor area can be designated for smokers.
Businesses have to demarcate smoking corners clearly or state clearly if smoking is banned from the outlet, or be fined $200 for the first offence and $500 subsequently. Smokers could be fined $200 each time they flout the law, and up to $1,000 if they refuse to pay the fine and the matter will be brought to court.
Over the past two days, five teams of National Environment Agency (NEA) officers were out on their enforcement blitz.
When Today followed one team of four officers yesterday morning, the officers spent about two hours conducting spot checks on coffeeshops, fast food restaurants and food courts in the Punggol and Tampines areas.
Mr Ng was reminded by the officers to demarcate his outlet's smoking area clearly. Over at another eating outlet, a customer — who was a foreigner — was let off with a warning for lighting up just outside the designated smoking corner.
Generally, the ban appeared to be effective. The smoking corners were clearly demarcated with signs and painted lines on the ground, with "No Smoking" posters displayed prominently outside these areas. Though the NEA could not provide figures on the number of summons issued over the weekend, patrons appeared compliant, with smokers huddling in the designated areas.
The NEA, which has some 300 enforcement officers, has advised owners who have trouble handling uncooperative customers to call its hotline. But Mr Ng said: "By the time they come down, I would have lost my customers."
-------------------------------------
See la.... make pple life so miserable dunno for wat...........................
Luckily I went REGENT Hotel for Germany Match and I could smoke myself away there...
Time to choose places where I could smoke to go le.....
But when the extension of the smoking ban kicked in last Saturday, some football fans gave up their seats rather than forsake their puffs.
A check conducted over the weekend by Today found that while the businesses of larger eateries were largely unaffected, those who ran smaller coffee shops reported dips of as much as 30 per cent in their business — as the number of smoking patrons sometimes outstripped the seats available to them, especially during peak periods and screenings of the World Cup matches.
Food court and coffeeshop owners said they had to turn away a handful of customers over the past two days. One coffeeshop owner — who wanted to be known as Mr Ng — could only designate one out of his stall's eight tables for smokers.
"Business was definitely affected.
On Saturday afternoon, three regular customers insisted on smoking but we didn't have enough seats for them. They were unhappy and offered to pay the fine if they were caught. But I told them that I would also get into trouble. In the end, they left without eating."
Mr Zuraimee Sarip, 34, a regular at the Koufu food court in Punggol and a smoker, said that customers who wanted to smoke were forced to stand while watching the England-Portugal match on Saturday night.
"People usually like to buy drinks and smoke while watching soccer," he said. "On Saturday night, I think more than 50 people were standing around and smoking, squeezing into the smoking corner, as there were not enough seats for them."
The food court has about 125 tables. Of the 45 that were outdoors, only nine have been designated for smokers. Its assistant manager, Mr Anthony Ang, expects an even tougher challenge in enforcing the ban as the World Cup action heats up in the semi-finals and finals.
"It's definitely a problem as the number of smokers increase during football matches. We have more customers who want to smoke than there are designated seats available. We have to pay more attention to the enforcement during such times," he said.
Under the extension of the smoking ban which kicked in on Saturday, smoking is prohibited in indoor eateries. Hawker centres without outdoor areas can convert 10 per cent of their indoor seating capacity into smoking corners. For those with outdoor seating areas, up to 20 per cent of the outdoor area can be designated for smokers.
Businesses have to demarcate smoking corners clearly or state clearly if smoking is banned from the outlet, or be fined $200 for the first offence and $500 subsequently. Smokers could be fined $200 each time they flout the law, and up to $1,000 if they refuse to pay the fine and the matter will be brought to court.
Over the past two days, five teams of National Environment Agency (NEA) officers were out on their enforcement blitz.
When Today followed one team of four officers yesterday morning, the officers spent about two hours conducting spot checks on coffeeshops, fast food restaurants and food courts in the Punggol and Tampines areas.
Mr Ng was reminded by the officers to demarcate his outlet's smoking area clearly. Over at another eating outlet, a customer — who was a foreigner — was let off with a warning for lighting up just outside the designated smoking corner.
Generally, the ban appeared to be effective. The smoking corners were clearly demarcated with signs and painted lines on the ground, with "No Smoking" posters displayed prominently outside these areas. Though the NEA could not provide figures on the number of summons issued over the weekend, patrons appeared compliant, with smokers huddling in the designated areas.
The NEA, which has some 300 enforcement officers, has advised owners who have trouble handling uncooperative customers to call its hotline. But Mr Ng said: "By the time they come down, I would have lost my customers."
-------------------------------------
See la.... make pple life so miserable dunno for wat...........................
Luckily I went REGENT Hotel for Germany Match and I could smoke myself away there...
Time to choose places where I could smoke to go le.....
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